Since there is nothing exciting going on in the home-buying saga, I am re-posting a myspace blog I wrote after our honeymoon. Can you believe it's already been 10 months? Time flies when you're having fun, I guess. Here goes, originally posted March 18, 2007:
The honeymoon was awesome. Well, it didn't start out THAT great. First, you may or may not have noticed, but my wife was WASTED at the end of the reception. We made it to the hotel after our driver (Nancy's cousin-in-law...big spenders we are) dropped us off at our house to get our stuff. Nancy's parents even made it home in time to join in the fun of making fun of Nancy's drunk ass. That wake-up call came pretty early on Sunday morning for our 9 am flight.
Speaking of flights, our flight to Miami was, well, interesting. And by interesting I mean freaking miserable. Think of all the cliches that remind you of a nightmare flight, and this was pretty close. First, the 400 pound (and I am not even exaggerating) woman seated, you guessed it, on our row, taking up hers and Nancy's seat. So Nancy and I basically shared a seat for 2 hours to Florida. And in case you hadn't noticed, we ain't exactly built like the Olsen twins. Nancy is now intimately familiar with every fold of this woman's back fat, tits, and armpit. She not only needed a seat belt extender, but IT barely fit. And where is she headed? To OUR CRUISE! And the funny part is, she read a fitness magazine, including detailed descriptions of the newest pilates moves and sexual positions, while scarfing down a huge bag of what I can only assume was some sort of animal feed. The stuff was some sort of trail mix I guess, but it looked like the stuff you buy at the zoo to feed the hippopotamus. Coincidence? I thought the airline had some sort of limit on these sorts of things, but I guess how would they know unless she volunteered that info while booking her flight?
Then there was the guy seated directly behind Jabba, who told his entire life story to the couple behind us (well, behind Jabba's right half, and us). In a loud voice. Without stopping to take a breath. For the entire flight. He works for Office Depot, travels alot, is recently remarried with a bunch of kids, and likes long walks on the beach, in case you were interested.
Last but not least the baby across the aisle. Now this baby didn't just cry, it shrieked. Imagine your brakes squealing as you slam on them while going 50 mph. That is what is sounded like. Every five minutes. The entire flight. Even talking-guy was getting a bit irritated. I know because he told the couple a few times, and we were forced to listen to his entire conversation.
Anyway, once we made it to Miami, all was well. We went out to a few bars on South Beach. It's possible I may have sent a drunken text message or seven from one of said bars. Nancy, the trooper that she is, was back in the saddle less than 24 hours after hurling her guts out in our "Honeymoon" Suite. That's my girl. Left out on the cruise to Key West and Playa del Carmen, Mexico bright and early the next morning. It was awesome, with way too much food, drink, and gambling, with some comedy shows, musical gay dancer shows, and just lounging around thrown in. I even managed to hurl my guts out one morning in KeyWest. Let's just say that alcohol the night before + Conch Fritters (some sort of sea animal deep fried and stuffed) = Randy, meet Uncles Ralph and Earl. All in all the cruise was alot of fun. There is so much to do, and I would definitely recommend doing it if you haven't.
We got back to Miami on Friday morning, get on the bus back to the airport, and make it almost all the way to the airport when I realize I have somehow lost my truck keys. And my work keys. And the work safe key. D'oh! Got to the airport and dug through the luggage. No dice. Checked our bags at the airport and tried to call the Cruise line, where the ever-so-helpful customer service dept told us we would have to wait 4-5 days to receive them in the mail. IF they find them. This is obviously not an option, so we took a $25 cab ride back to the port, where we begged the port authority to let us back in the terminal, where we begged the cruise people to call the ship and see if they had my keys. I even advised Nancy to shed a tear or two if she could. Luckily, the people there were much nicer than the people we talked with on the phone, and they had found the keys, and after a long wait, we got them. So another $25 cab ride back to the airport (our original shuttle bus was included in our cruise) and just a short 3 hour wait for our plane.
I killed some time by convincing Nancy I had seen Jared from the Subway commercials, just to see if her star-stalking behavior would emerge for a D-List celebrity. It did. And to our pleasure, we saw our good friend,the 400 pound woman waiting for our same flight. We glanced at our tickets and noticed we were on the same row. We had booked our flight through the cruise line, we had sat next her on the way in, and she was on our cruise, so she must have booked her flight throught the cruise line as well. Just great. We were going to be stuck next to her again for 2 hours. She was even in our boarding group. To our relief she was across the aisle this time, but on the same row. However, the plane wasn't as full this time, and Nancy and I even had a seat between us. Must have been our lucky day.
No comments:
Post a Comment